Saturday, March 6, 2010


So..A few nights ago I fucked up pretty bad. I went out with my friends which was awesome but my parents wished me to be home by 1ish. I'm 18. The curfew is a little ridiculous. But I agreed I said there was a possibility that I would be a little late and they just said try to make it as close to 1 o'clock as possible. Well I left the club at 12:30 with about a 40 minute drive home. If you know me you'll know I have no sense of direction what so ever so when the bouncer gave me directions home I completely fucked up and ended up going towards Manhattan instead of going towards home. Realizing I was close to where this guy I've been talking to lives I called him to see if he could give me directions home. Well I ended up going to his house and staying for about a half hour. So now its about 2 o'clock. I know I'm in trouble. I got directions home and tried to follow them as well as possible. Well that wasn't good enough. I got lost. Now I'm in an area I've never been to..alone at 2am and lost beyond belief. I call my mom. In hysterics. She's not "mad" when I call her she's just scared because she doesn't know the area either so she doesn't know how to direct me home. after about 45 minutes of driving around aimlessly I got on the right track and made it to the L.I.E and was finally on my way home. When I got there I went into my parents room apologized..crying..and then went to bed. at 330. Oy. So now its 2 days afterwards and all I know is that my parents aren't mad. They're livid.infuriated.enraged. My dad won't speak to me and my mom just thinks I'm the biggest fuck up to ever enter the family. My punishment? House arrest. Im not allowed to leave my house unless it's for school or work. I'm not allowed to go get food if I'm hungry or go to CVS to pick up prescriptions. Over board?? I think so. They have to understand that...yea I fucked up. I made a mistake that I won't ever make again. They can't lock me in my room because I will literally lose my mind. I try to stay out of my house as much as possible because I hate it already. If I'm locked in here against my will not only will I hate my house more than ever but I'll hate everyone in it as well. Trust me...If you knew the environment I deal with everyday you would wonder how I haven't lost my mind completely yet.

Friday, March 5, 2010


It is all but a dream. I would give anything to just get in my car and go. Never stop.


My head has been all over the place lately. Sometimes this would just be a little annoyance but nothing bad. Recently it hasn't been good. Once again my school work has been pushed to the back burner for reasons unknown and I've really not been doing much with my life. It's times like these I wish I had an excessive amount of money where I could just pick up and leave. Go somewhere new where no one knows me and I don't know them. That is what I crave more than anything. I want to begin a new. A new life. I want to get my priorities straight and learn boundaries and just start over.